You make it sound so much worse than it is! My minions completely respect me, you know. Sure, I kidnap princesses, pound plumbers into the dirt, and send my armies out to wreak havoc, but it's sure more exciting than constant peace.

[He sneers.]

Besides, everybody knows villains get to have all the fun! I'd like to see Mario build a fleet of air ships with devastating cannons and hordes of loyal underlings. All he's got are his loser brother, a couple of Toads, and sometimes Yoshi. And he fights with eggs! That's practically the least threatening weapon in the world.

[Oh, and Peach, but... he's not gonna admit that. Nope.]